Who Knows?

Lyndie's A&B's are still continuing. This morning when eating she had 1 while eating, 1 being weighed on the scale to see how much she ate and 1 after eating when I was holding her up. The good thing is her doctor saw the last one and so he was able to really see what is going on. Sometimes she does spit up a bit and it seems to set her off and other times she just "checks out" without warning. They think it might be good to give her 24 hours of feeding her through her NG tube to (in Richard's terminology) reset her hardrive. They think she has learned a reflex to shut down her airway to keep from aspirating (not necessarily bad unless she doesn't grow out of it) or is getting stressed out from trying to be fed or there is something totally different going on. They are hoping that if she has this 24 hour period they will be able to see what happens with her episodes - do they continue for one thing. If not, we will continue after the 24 hours to try p.o feeding (by mouth) I am getting really tired of being here in the NICU and really want to get Lyndie home. We know that we will be "tried in all things" and that we will have our "faith and our patience" tried. My patience is being tried and I am trying to stay strong, but focused on making sure Lyndie has good care with what she needs. I heard a conference talk from a few years ago by Elder Maxwell that said something to the effect of: the trial is to not become bitter during bitter times. I keep thinking about that when I get upset or tired of being here. I know I just need to trust in the Lord and that Holy Spirit will guide me to helping my daughter. The nurses keep telling me one day it will be like a light will come on and she will just get it (eating) and then she will go home. I keep hoping they are right, trusting in their experience and trusting in the Lord that He can bless her and give her the things she needs even when I can't. We'll get through this and maybe, (just maybe) I will be a more patient person.